Twitter Feature Request
Twitter Feature Request – A Play
All scenes are set up on stage simultaneously with actors frozen in place. Scenes then l=lay out in order with a spotlight to direct the audience gaze but with enough lighting to leave the frozen scenes darkly visable
Scene 1: A tech type office with flexible furniture, fridge, foosball table, pops of colour and some music piped in. In the background are prop workers at various standing desk arrangements with big headphones on. It’s Friday afternoon signaled by “Friday Shoutouts” on the chalkboard. The scene is focused on a central table with a portable big screen which reads “Twitter weekly developers feature request meeting – gnarly or nope?”. There are five Tech Bro developers wanting to smash it out of the park, sprint plan for the following week, and get out the door for early beersies. They are all aesthetically similar; lean, beige chinos from The Gap, various shades of light blue fitted button up short-sleaved shirt, a degree of facial hair from designer stubble to full beard, heavy rimmed glasses, smiles that speak to their self-confidence of their appeal to women.
Tech Bro 1: just the usual, fellas. Request for all chat emotes to be available as reacts on the main thread.
Tech Bros 2-5: nope!
Tech Bro 1: Request for more strategic security to mitigate the spinning up of bots.
Tech Bros 2-5: nope!
Tech Bro 1: Request for blocked accounts not to show in connections timelines.
Tech Bros 2-5: nope!
Tech Bro 1: three million requests for an edit button.
Tech Bros 2-5: nope!
Tech Bro 1: Well, here’s a new one. Request for all users in a community to be owners.
Tech Bros 2-5 look confused.
Tech Bro 3: if everyone was an owner then who would control the group?
Tech Bro 5: what a strange request. Like asking to give up the power play.
Tech Bro 4: it’s not a bro, aye?
Tech Bro 1: no, it’s a girl.
Tech Bros 2-5: nope!
Tech Bro 1: that’s everything. Beersies time!
Scene 2: A “Google” type office with flexible furniture, fridge, foosball table, pops of colour and some music piped in. In the background are “prop workers” at various standing desk arrangements with big headphones on. It’s Friday afternoon signaled by “Friday Shoutouts” on the chalkboard. The scene is focused on a central table with a portable big screen which reads “Twitter weekly developers feature request meeting – gnarly or nope?”. There are four aesthetically similar Tech Bro developers wanting to smash it out of the park, sprint plan for the following week, and get out the door for early beersies, and one woman
Tech Bro 1: just the usual, fellas…oh, and lady. Request for all chat emotes to be available as reacts on the main thread.
Tech Bros 2-4: nope!
Woman: starts to talk as Tech Bros say nope. It would be a great way to add some nuance to interactions. Glances at Tech Bros who are staring at her. But, it’s not a hill that I need to die on.
Tech Bro 1: Request for more strategic security to mitigate the spinning up of bots.
Tech Bros 2-4: nope!
Woman: again, she starts to talk as Tech Bros say nope. Bots really do interfere with the algorithm, and there’s an easy fix for that. Again glances at Tech Bros who are staring at her. I’m happy to look into it, add it to my sprint for next week.
Tech Bro 1: Request for blocked accounts not to show in connections timelines.
Tech Bros 2-4: nope!
Woman: again, she starts to talk as Tech Bros say nope. I know that many of our users are affected by seeing abusive/blocked people as they scroll. Again glances at Tech Bros who are staring at her. But, it’s not a hill that I need to die on either.
Tech Bro 1: 3 million requests for an edit button.
Tech Bros 2-4 plus woman: nope!
Tech Bros stare at woman
Woman: What? I said no. The fuckers can just learn to proofread those 240 characters or deal with mistakes. I’m all for promoting high literacy standards.
Tech Bro sitting next to her offers a high five.
Tech Bro 1: Well, here’s a new one. Request for all users in a community to be owners.
Tech Bros 2-4 look confused.
Tech Bro 3: if everyone was an owner then who would control the group?
Woman: I think that’s the point.
Tech Bros 2-4 look confused.
Woman: it’s a COMMUNITY, no one needs to be in control. When a community comes together everyone takes ownership.
Tech Bros 2-4 look confused.
Woman: Seriously? Okay, it’s like when you all go for beersies and no one is in control, you are all just there to be together.
There is a pause and then all Tech Bros start laughing hysterically.
Tech Bro 1: Are you serious? Someone is ALWAYS in control. They control where we go, what time we meet, what beer we are going to drink, if we play pool or darts or just hit on women. It’s Tech Bro code. Don’t mess with Tech Bro code.
Woman: Fuck my life.
Tech Bro 1: with the perfect Tech Bro smirk if you insist, but first beersies!
Scene 3: A “Google” type office with flexible furniture, fridge, foosball table, pops of colour and some music piped in. In the background are “prop workers” at various standing desk arrangements with big headphones on. It’s Friday afternoon signaled by “Friday Shoutouts” on the chalkboard. The scene is focused on a central table with a portable big screen which reads “Twitter weekly developers feature request meeting”. There are three aesthetically similar Tech Bro developers wanting to smash it out of the park, sprint plan for the following week, and get out the door for early beersies, one woman developer (Eve), and one man who is an ally and running the meeting (Adam).
Adam: Afternoon all. As we have triaged the usual requests via our Slack channel, we can move on to the ones that we will consider. First up is the request for all chat emotes to be available as reacts on the main thread. Tech Bro 1, I want you to beta test this next week with a user group and report back.
Tech Bro 1: yes boss.
Adam: Request for more strategic security to mitigate the spinning up of bots. Tech Bro 2, you can take this one. Check for appetite for tighter authentication of accounts vs. less bots in the system.
Tech Bro 2: yes boss.
Adam: Request for blocked accounts not to show in connections timelines. Tech Bro 3, this is your gig. Surely there is an easy fix for this one that will mean people can feel safer to scroll.
Tech Bro 3: yes boss.
Adam: And lastly, a new but worthwhile consideration, a request for all users in a community to be owners. This sounds right up your alley Eve.
Eve: I’ll look into it.
Adam: a good meeting is a fast meeting, especially on a Friday afternoon. Set your sprint cards for next week team and then it’s beersy’o’clock! See you at the pub, the first round is on me.
All exit the meeting with the Tech Bro mumbling to each other about torpedoing these feature requests and laughing in a Tech Bro way while following Eve too closely and one of them “accidentally” pressing against her as they go through the door.
Scene 4: A “Google” type office with flexible furniture, fridge, foosball table, pops of colour and some music piped in. In the background are “prop workers” at various standing desk arrangements with big headphones on. It’s Friday afternoon signaled by “Friday Shoutouts” on the chalkboard. The scene is focused on a central table with a portable big screen which reads “Twitter weekly developers feature request meeting”. There are two aesthetically similar Tech Bro developers wanting to smash it out of the park, sprint plan for the following week, and get out the door for early beersies, one woman developer (Eve), one man who is an ally (Adam), and one non-binary person (Dale) who is running the meeting.
Dale: Afternoon all. As we have triaged the usual requests via our Slack channel, we can move on to the ones that we will consider. First up is the request for all chat emotes to be available as reacts on the main thread. Thoughts? Consideration? Interest?
Adam: I mean, this comes up so much and I get why people keep asking ‘cause you don’t want to “love” the tweet about someone’s dog dying, but I just think we all know what that means now in the context of the tweet. I’m conflicted.
Tech Bro 1: it’ll mess up the UI, we just don’t have the room.
Eve: but couldn’t we just keep the UI as one “like” type and then expand on hover?
Dale: that sounds like a possible solution to me. Do you want to work on it next week?
Eve: actually, I’m quite keen on one of the others coming up.
Adam: we could colab if you are keen to give me some insight into your vision?
Eve: oh yeah, I’d be happy with that.
Dale: sounds like a plan.
Tech Bro 1 and 2 are watching this interaction in confused awe
Dale: Okay, next on our list is the request for more strategic security to mitigate the spinning up of bots.
Tech Bro 1: tentatively. We could check the appetite for tighter authentication of accounts vs. less bots in the system?
Dale, Eve, and Adam: all make sounds of affirmation
Tech Bro 1: nodding his head and turning to high five Tech Bro 2. ALRIGHT!
Tech Bro 2 still looks somewhat confused.
Dale: Next is this request for blocked accounts not to show in connections timelines.
Tech Bro 2: as tentatively as Tech Bro 1 had been. Surely there is an easy fix for this one that will mean people can feel safer to scroll?
Dale, Eve, Adam and Tech Bro 1: all make sounds of affirmation
Tech Bro 2: nodding his head and turning to high five Tech Bro 2. ALRIGHT!
Dale: And lastly, a new but worthwhile consideration, a request for all users in a community to be owners. Is this the one you were interested in Eve?
Eve: Yes, nothing quite like contributing to the deconstruction of hierarchies. Super easy to toggle on in communities which will leave me plenty of time to test and also work with Adam. We can push that release mid next week and marketing can let everyone know. An easy win, for EVERYONE!
Dale: well a good meeting is a fast meeting, especially on a Friday afternoon. Let’s set our sprint cards for next week and then it’s beersy’o’clock! Who’s lead for next week’s meeting?
Tech Bro 1: raises his hand it’s my turn next week.
Dale, Adam and Eve: all make positive comments about how Tech Bro 1 has this and they would be there to support him. He blushes and genuinely smiles at his colleagues.
All exit the meeting.